‘Oh, the bingo is going to be great’ Butch Haller discusses post-pandemic plans

The content of this article is based on the reality Butch Haller exists in, not the facts the rest of us should know as truth. His thoughts on how COVID-19 works are disturbing. This article is intended to entertain and is not intended as misinformation or disinformation, but if you would like to visit Haller’s reality, attend one of the concert dates listed in the article. Those are cold hard facts you can trust. The rest of what Mr. Haller has to say is open to interpretation. As his drummer, Shiraz Ebrahim, says, “Butch is truly living outside his time.”

Some people may question his claim, but Butch Haller believes he wrote every song in existence, and they were stolen from him.

“We’ve got about 5,000 songs in the catalogue we’ve pulled from my memories,” Haller said. “It’s everything under the sun that’s been stolen from me by all kinds of artists from Morrissey to Cheap Trick.”

Haller also claims he’s losing out on “all the money,” so that’s why he is excited to step back on stages to fulfill his quest to “reclaim my hits,” which was waylaid by the COVID-19 pandemic.

Some people might think Haller’s time would be better spent bringing a class-action lawsuit against the entire music industry, but he doesn’t think like anybody else.

“I’ve developed a carbuncle on my back,” he told Woodstein Media after getting off the stage at the Richmond Tavern, where he will be the first Friday of every month. “It’s a large, massive lump, and what I understand is that I’m storing different strains of COVID. I have the Delta variant, and I have all the rest. So the COVID is not affecting me, but I’m storing it inside my hump.”

Haller has not only been given a monthly residency at the Richmond Tavern, but he has also taken up residence with his wife in the Richmond Hotel.

They are going to put me on a float and cover me in the sauce.

Butch Haller

“I live upstairs now, so it’s a short fall down the stairs to the Richmond Tavern,” he said.

Butch Haller and his Chesterfield Ramblers will also appear at the London Ribfest on the Civic Holiday weekend.

“I’m going to be the commissioner or what do they call that, the pageant queen of the Ribfest this year,” said Haller. “They are going to put me on a float and cover me in the sauce.”

Woodstein Media asked if he had official proof to back up that claim.

“I got a plaque come to the door there, and I just put it up on the wall, he said. “I’ll be the commissioner of the London Ribfest.”

Woodstein Media cannot confirm the existence of the plaque.

“We’ve been working non-stop in the studio since COVID has begun, so I think we recorded 52 songs over the last two years,” he said. “They are coming out slowly on Spotify as time goes on.”

Haller loves his audience and has plans to add more participatory elements to his shows, such as bingo games.

“Then if you win a bingo, you spin the wheel, and if you spin the wheel, there is a list of prizes there, and you can pick a song, or you can get some advice, any kind of advice,” he said.

He hopes to integrate the bingo into the show within a few months.

“Oh, the bingo is going to be great,” said Haller. “It’s the thrill of the balls.”

Although he recorded 52 songs with his Chesterfield Ramblers during the pandemic, it has taken some adjustment to get back into the groove of playing live.

“I’m rusty,” said Haller. “See, I was living in a garden shed behind my current manager’s house for a couple of years there, so my bones would be stiff. I was sleeping on AstroTurf, the thin kind, not like thick kind like an NFL AstroTurf, this was the real cheap kind, but now they got me up in the Richmond Hotel up there. It’s like the Ritz Carlton for me.”

Fans of his television program The Butch Haller Show might be happy to know that there is a new season in the works.

“We’re going to shoot some of them here at the Richmond, I think, we’re going to do the live segments here,” he said. “Shiraz and I have shot some new stuff with Noreen and helped her through COVID. We had to have her quarantine there for a bit. So, we have her through the stages of COVID. She is all sweaty and everything.”

Although it sounds like a reality show in the vein of Big Bother, Haller’s grip on reality is questionable.

“It will be Tiny Noreen,” he said.

He has no idea when the new season of his television program will air.

“I don’t know anymore,” said Haller. “You know what? I don’t even believe in time anymore. I’ve noticed over the last little while is that things happen in their own time.”

He said he is 97 years old, and it’s a claim he has been making for at least four years.

“So, I’m trying to keep that up,” said Haller.

Butch Haller and His Chesterfield Ramblers will be appearing at The Whiskey Rocks in St. Thomas, Ontario, on March 19. There is a $5 cover charge.

On the first Friday of every month, Haller will be playing at the Richmond Tavern in London, Ontario. There is no cover for these shows, but donations are appreciated.

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